I rise and greet the sun the same as every other day

But today feels different, the sun feels a little warmer perhaps thawing that ice around my heart.

I see the flowers in bloom and the grass turning greener and hear the chirping birds

And I feel more and more alive each day,

My troubles and worries are being lifted away on the morning dove wings.

I know that he is not coming back

And yet I live

And yet I breathe

And yet I feel

My mind is a whirlwind of new thoughts and feelings

I long to run back to that carefree girl that I was

Before the reality of death and sickness tried to steal my life too

I would have given him my breath to breathe just as he would have for me

But that was not the plan

It is me who still lives and breathes and feels

It is me who must learn to navigate a world without him

I know that I must embrace the changing seasons, open myself up again

Peel the layers back one by one, push the pain aside and welcome the pleasure.

Exposing and discovering this new me, emerging like the spring flowers

Shedding those old thoughts and leaving the anxieties and sadness behind

Fragile and strong all at the same time.

I am simply new, ready to feel the sun on my face, and laugh and love again.

I am awakening.